So insted of not feeling hungry, now i am not feeling tired. I managed 3 hours sleep. Funny thing is, i don't feel tired at all.

Leading up to, and including the weekend i was only eating one meal per day. I'd usually skip breakfast, have lunch, and when i get home, i wouldn't be hungry. so i'd start some work, watch a few shows, next thing i know it was 9pm, i wasn't hungry so i'd go to bed. Wake up the next morning, and do it all again the next day.

But now i'm hungry often. which is more annoying then not being able to sleep. Because food costs, and sleep doesn't.

Anyway, i found some old CD's of my radio work about three years ago

*shudders*

man i was horrible.....

Driving home

Driving home, and checking my garden (in the dark) made me think: i went to work in the dark (it was overcast this morning) and i drove home in the dark (it's 8pm).

That made me think of England. And you know how sometimes girls you have a crush on that really nerdy guy that no one likes? And guys: that girl everyone thinks is ugly you think is really cute? Yeah my mind is doing that right now. My mind is telling me i should move to England.

Well not like tomorrow or anything. But eventually move to England, and get a job there, and stuff. Some how i like the concept of it being cool to freezing every day, therefore it would never be hot.

But the 'want' part of my brain doesn't comprehend that "freezing" actually means like below zero. a temperature i've only ever experienced inside a home heated to 23 degrees, in bed, under a blanket three doonas and electric blanket.

The rain today was nice, and i think the reflections on the road were beautiful today. I also got a letter which made me smile. The pain is slowly numbing. The mind and body knows that without pain killers, there would be immense pain, so a feeling of cold and numbness entombs me, but there are many little things which cause the mind to forget. temporarily, though...

@ Work again

Wasn't yesterday an angry day for me :)
Pretty much don't cross me, and you won't feel that wrath.

I had a dream she text me last night. It was funny, she was using terms like "moar" and "plz" and "lulz" and "pwn" which i know she hates. It was funny, but still upsetting none the less.

Anyway, i woke up today and felt somewhat happier. not my happiest by a long shot. But still feeling pretty good.

I went for a run this morning. It is overcast, and cool, probably around 12 or 13 degrees, yet i still went for a run in shorts and a singlet. It felt great.

Currently i'm writing up ideas for competitions for the station, ideas to raise awareness and get more listeners for the station... means more sponsors... means more money... means more commission... makes lui happy. yay!

@ work

Today is a pretty hectic day.
Yet i found some time to write a blog.

Already today i've had a coffee,
recorded the weather,
set up the news and ad list for the morning show,
had a coffee,
conduct three interviews,
had a coffee,
writen, edited and recorded my editorial,
had a coffee,
and now i'm currently organising the voicing of scripts for station promos for the breakfast program, the morning show, the midday news hour, the week day mix, the afternoon music mix, plus the weekend programming.

Oh, and i'm having a coffee.
But far out i miss you. Like crazy. Its been a good few months since i've seen you, and it seems like its been forever.


But the funny thing is, i almost enjoy the anguish of not talking to you anymore.
Because i know for a fact that you can't do it to me again. It's happened three times now, and going by what you said, this was it for good. So i don't need to bother writing an appology or explanation letter to you this time.

Which actually sucks. Because going back, we had the best chats ever. We had mad fun on webcam, slightly drunk, but hilariously in love with each other.
Not in love like boyfriend/girlfriend love, just thought i'd clear that confusion up, but in love like best friends are.

You've done to me what you said I did to you.
I saw how much i hurt you the first time. You felt how much it hurt. So why did you do this to me?


And the even funnier thing is, Another friend also seems to find the heart to replace me. You accused me of being jealous and selfish when saying you replaced me? Well you fucking did, and don't act like you didnt. I have every right to be jealous and selfish, you were my best friend. But of course, you just thought i was playing you, right?

Wrong. What could i play you for? You're happily in lust with your boyfriend. You have your best friend (whom might i add hated me, and tried to ruin my plans of seeing you), you're happy in your life doing what you love.

And here i am, you being the only thread holding me together. And you just snip it clean off. There's no needle, no patchworks, i'm unravling at the speed of light. And now i'm standing here, threadless...


One day you will run into me. I have no doubt at all. You're not going to be able to look in my face with the shame that is currently just a seed in your gut, waiting to sprout.

You think you were nervous the first time you saw me? How do you think i felt, with that seed almost ready to harvest? But you unrooted that plant, threw it away, and left me happy, and for once feeling clean.


I look forward to seeing you again, one day.